When thinking about what I could do differently this year, given the chance, the thought of deferring from university crossed my mind.

I regret not going to uni this year a little. It’s mainly the thought that I’ll still be in university by the time most of my friends are graduating, and that I could’ve finished my first year by now. I didn’t accomplish anything during the year; I should’ve just gone for something to do.

The thing I’m struggling with though is that I still don’t know what I want to do. My first preference I highly doubt I’ll get due to my UAI limiting me. I don’t regret getting the UAI I did, I chose to avoid study and just give up, that’s who I am. But admittedly it’s made it very hard to select the courses I want in the locations I want.
I’m not even certain on my first preference. What if I go there and after a few weeks, I realise it’s not what I want, just like the first time around? What other choices do I have? I could just stick it out, do it and hope that I like it over time, but I don’t want to travel that much for something I don’t want. I know that laziness will overcome me and I’ll probably skip most lectures and fail the course anyway. My first preference will be MacQ, and the only other uni with the exact course I want and an attainable cut off is UOW. Whether I travel 1.5 hours on train or drive for 40 minutes, I’m just going to get too lazy to go for something I don’t want.
My very last choice is commerce at UWS, but I keep realising over and over, I hate commerce. If I couldn’t just stick it out for the year the first time, why would I this time? If I don’t like something, I won’t strive to achieve and I’ll end up failing and having to redo subjects over and over.

ERGH. These thoughts pass through my mind every, single day. I’ve thought about it for the past year and I’ve gotten no where. I don’t know what I want to do and I can’t find any courses I’m genuinely interested in. Where does that leave me? I wouldn’t be able to take another year off even if I wanted to, which I don’t. I know the option of TAFE is there, but I’ve been looking at that the past year and found nothing either.

I just really don’t know what my options are. I’m not certain on my first preferences, I don’t like the preferences in the middle, and it was stupid to put down the last preference. There’s nothing I want to do at the closest university to me and I don’t have any backup preferences. I can’t find anything to do at TAFE and I can’t think of any careers I could enter straight away and actually make a life for myself from it. I need a fallback plan.

I hate thinking about the future.